Module 7 Mindfullness - Appreciating Your "Real Self"

Read "Listening To Your Wake Up Calls" in Chapter 3 of the workbook “Becoming a Resonant Leader.” 

Complete the following exercises:   

1. Taking Stock
2. Mindfulness Check-In
3. Seeking Balance
4. Mindful Change

Write up a Reflection Blog integrating the module textbook and workbook content with your personal findings. Did you discover any surprises from your outputs? If so, what were they? If not, why do you think this happened?

Submit the link/URL to your blog. For guidance on completing this assignment and using Canvas ePortfolio, review the Reflection Blog Assignments page.

Links to an external site.

Appreciating Your "Real Self"

    No matter how tough one's exterior may be or present itself, there is always a breaking point. This point is different for each individual as each person's abilities to practice mindfulness and resonance are different. Mindfulness is a life skill that is essential in combating against the "constant career and life pressure" one faces (McKee et al., 2008, p. 46). It is critically important for people to be able to recognize their own self and genuinely reflect in order to deliberately work on one's state of mind. McKee et al. (2008) state that there are four exercises that enable one to be mindful (i.e., "awake, aware, and attending") which are: 1) Taking Stock - "directs your thoughts to what you value in life and work and what may be dragging you down," 2) Mindfulness Check-In" - think about how consciously you attend to yourself as a whole person," 3) Seeking Balance - "get a sense of how balanced you are and...how satisfied you are with your current state," 4) Mindful Change - "explore ways of achieving the balance and focus you need to be at your best" (pp. 46-51).

    I generally like to believe that I am a very driven, ambitious, yet resilient individual. Due to this, I tend to put a lot of stock into my own individual efforts and accolades. But when considering what activities I find of most value in my life and enjoy doing, I realize that it does not encompass much of what I do at work. Now, I certainly enjoy many aspects of my job, particularly the part where I connect with people. But I am not completely in love with learning the intricacies of Information Technology and cybersecurity. While I find some of it very fascinating, a good amount is so technical that it is beyond my knowledge. This is something I am remedying with additional education on the subjects, but I can attest that it is difficult to get through. Though, when I consider what gets me going, I would say that it is love and family, as cheesy as that is to say. The older I get, the more I just want to spend time with the people I love. But my actions say otherwise. I spend way too much time at work and physically/mentally burn myself out where I put my relationships on the backburner. Another activity, if it can be called that, is just flat-out adventure. I love traveling and experiencing new cultures. My favorite types of TV shows are generally on the travel channel or food network. However, I also see that I am making less time for vacations, and I even lost some vacation days this past year due to expiration from going unused in two years. It really is sad to see what has come from prioritizing activities I do not actually like or find much worth in. I do think I need to strike a balance between having 'enough knowledge to be dangerous' for the technical part of my job and focusing on building connections and forming relationships. For this, I need to be okay with not knowing everything and instead rely more heavily on those around who are specialists for a reason. I need to focus on being the leader. This will let me do what I actually like to do at work and will also give me time back to do what I enjoy in my personal life.

    To write without stopping on what immediately comes to mind is dangerous. I would say that I feel incredibly stressed and overwhelmed. I am in many academic classes and am preparing for a move to Korea in less than three months. There are many requirements I have to get done before moving such as rifle training, fitness tests, medical clearances, immunizations, and more. I am also worried about moving my belongings out of my house and either selling or renting the house I am living in. It is really easy for me to get off course just thinking about what is left to do. I am worried and nervous for what I need to do, but also for the unknown. I am trying to stay positive, but one of my main defense mechanisms of not talking about it and just doing it is a bit exposed. I tend not to journal about my struggles and instead shut my brain off and go on autopilot. Perhaps that's the military training in me, but I notice that sometimes the more I open up, the more cortisol builds up from the stress, and I can become 'mentally paralyzed.' Bindu & Vargas (2014) allude to this hopelessness and psychological pain as "psychache," which may be what I feel. This could also be a form of mind-wandering as elicited by Jha (2018). From this I recognize that I do not really have great mindfulness techniques, as this defense mechanism only works for so long. It is not good for "sustaining mindfulness" (McKee et al., 2008, p. 46). I notice that my body is tense almost all over, my arms and neck are sore and aching, my abdomen is soft, I have frequent headaches; my emotions are anxiousness, nervousness, distress, and numbness. I am not in a 'woe is me' mode, but I know I have a lot to get done so it feels like my body is in constant fight or flight mode. Completing tasks helps calm me and results in less worry. Unfortunately, I feel this is the answer. But in the meantime, I need to continue to try to find ways to be resilient like working out, going for walks, going out for lunch or dinner, and just taking things one day at a time. One person who really inspires me is my old commander who just seemed to be able to handle stress like a boss. He really had his priorities straight and had plans which broke down complex tasks into smaller, digestible steps. Perhaps I can come up with a strategy for the week/day and be deliberate about those particular items while giving myself enough flexibility and leeway if things may go awry throughout the day. If I can still accomplish those key items, I will continue progressing and that will make me feel a whole lot better.

    When I consider my Mind, Body, Spirit, and Emotion, I realize that I am completely imbalanced. I feel that my spirit and body have taken bigger hits as I withdraw (i.e., one of my natural defense mechanisms against stress). I see that I have limiting beliefs such as not having time to exercise during the day or to call my family and friends. Objectively, I do have the time, but I am choosing not to allocate the time there because I want to prioritize other tasks in my life. The problem is that when I allocate extra time for homework or whatever it might be, my homework does end up taking all that extra time. If I allocate less time, I have to work faster but I will likely still get the job done and will have worked out and called family/friends. I also do not take time to experience life's daily blessings. I sometimes will reject the idea of getting an expensive coffee due to cost, even though that small treat might make my day happier. I think being so future-oriented is a hindrance on my ability to be present. I need to sacrifice the concept of saving for a better tomorrow, and instead try to live a bit more in the moment; though, again, this is about balance. I also think I should try meditation to help recenter myself and work on the spirit aspect of my being. I feel that I have been so busy that I do not make time for just being still and quiet, doing deep breathing exercises, walks and runs, and meditation, all of which are important for silencing the outside world and finding "the stillness of the inner one...so as to not let one's thoughts race from problem to problem...worrying about things that have not and may not happen" (Glazier & Ko, 2019). By trying to deliberately achieve a better balance, I feel that I will have a greater chance at sustaining the constant pressures of life.

Overall, I found these exercises quite difficult, and the findings from the reflection are alarming. My abilities in mindfulness are not great, but it means there is room for improvement and upward progress. These types of exercises serve as wakeup calls for me, and while they do make me feel bad about myself to an extent, they also are sort of a kick in the butt I need to get to fixing my problem areas. This is essential to achieve peak performance. It really makes me realize how vital it is that adults should be able to take a hard look at themselves and work to rebalance their lives, because there are not often external sources holding them accountable. So, while this was challenging and hard to hear, I am grateful that I am aware and motivated to get going in the right direction.

Chad R.

References:

Bindu, X., & Vargas, M. (2014). Development and effectiveness of mindfullness based cognitive restructuring program on psychache and hopelessness as signals of suicidal ideation among adolescents. Indian Journal of Positive Psychology, 5(2), 109-.

Glazier, E. & Ko, E. (2019). ASK THE DOCTORS: Research suggests mindfullness has myriad benefits. In TCA Regional News. Tribune Content Agency LLC.

Jha, A. (2018, April 18). How to tame your wandering mind [Video]. YouTube.https://youtu.be/UQzvNIIMayo?si=JvHGwNpDkWoQs31W

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader: 

        Develop your emotional intelligence, renew your relationships, sustain your 

        effectiveness. Harvard Business School Pub.